i'm becca. 20. florida state '16.
Jesus. family. music. humor. surprises. oitnb. harry potter. soccer. tennessee. winter. parks&rec. new york. cuddling. dave matthews band. the nanny. john mayer. grey's anatomy. fairytale endings. pastel green. weddings. books. shopping. kisses. tiffany&co. love songs. ♥
I love liking someone. that’s it. I’m afraid to pursue anything further because of what comes along with a relationship - expectations, jealousy, heartbreak. I know that’s not a way I should live, but how am I supposed to overcome all I’ve experienced?
I don’t understand how you still have such a hold on me. You don’t talk to me anymore, you probably hate me for good reasons, you have a supportive girlfriend, you have everything you’ve wanted and more. I don’t understand why I just can’t let go. I really did try. I’ve told myself everything happens for a reason. It’s kind of not fair… this is seriously so pathetic
I don’t understand what you think gives you the right to be such an asshole to me, especially when all I wanted to do was be supportive of you and the decisions you’ve made. You probably haven’t told anybody what I said to you, so now I sound like the bad person. The only reason I texted you is because I was so happy I finally got hired at a place YOU took me to apply at, but you decided to be a huge douche. I hope you’re pleased with yourself.
k done ranting
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more alone than I do now. I want my friends back.
I’ve noticed that I’m quite a bit happier lately. I’m not really sure why. I bet most people (who know the whole story) would think that recent events would have led me to being really angry and confused, but I actually feel pretty relieved for some reason. I’ve learned to not get my hopes up for anything. I’m not going to trust somebody so easily. It was partially my fault for letting you come over and making me think that you actually sort of still cared about me. I told you I wanted to stop, but you told me I’d be fine and pressured me into doing more stuff. You used me. I’m okay, though. You taught me to follow my brain, not my heart.
Today and tonight I learned that nothing will ever be the same again. As much as I want things to go back to how they were five months ago, it’s not going to happen. The thing that sucks the most is that I know that if we were to date again I would be a way better girlfriend. I wish I deserved a second chance.